My name is Emma. This is my feminism.

Women Who CAN’T Say No

on March 24, 2012

If one were to ever go to a website used to illegally download anything (which of course, I would never do), one would be overwhelmed by ads all over the screen selling women.  The top of the screen, the side, the bottom, a separate pop-up, all trying to get me to cheat on my wife, find a fuck buddy in Guelph, join a “dating” site, or at least download some porn, I suppose.  It’s so much that I think most people barely even notice it anymore – at least I don’t.  I have taken for granted that if I am going to download anything – it could be an R rated movie or it could be the Lion King – I will see these pornographic ads.  How fucked up is that?  Really.

But then I started to think about what these ads are actually doing, which is never a good idea.  Prostitution is illegal in North America, but we see women being sold all the time.  These ads are, very literally, selling women’s bodies.  ‘Click here’ to sign up, pay money, and see more of this woman’s body.  Pay money, see her body. 

More upsetting to me about this particular ad, is that it is admitting that the women can’t say no.  Is this supposed to be a turn on?  I guess it’s supposed to imply that she can’t be satisfied (which should maybe make these men wonder what it is about the way they fuck women that is so unsatisfying… but I suppose that’s another issue), or that she is just horny constantly, which is where the appeal is I guess.  But the way it has been worded, “Women who can’t say no” is really problematic.  You are paying for her, so ya, of course she actually can’t say no.  You have bought the right to her body, so she doesn’t have the right to say no.  She doesn’t have the ability to refuse you.*  Also, in a more general sense, stop making women’s inability to say “no” attractive please!  Our ability to say no and have it be respected is kind of a huge deal!  Maybe next time just say “Women who won’t say no” or, “Women who are never satisfied” or, better yet, maybe stop exploiting women?  I know… what a ridiculous suggestion.  Sigh.

Also, this is almost too obvious to mention, but this woman’s body is really weird.  Not her real body of course, her Photoshopped body.  The one that is supposed to be super sexual and attractive.  It looks like something I could have made playing with the Gooify feature on Picnik.com…  Her waist is way too small to support her huge boobs, which are almost bigger than her head.  She looks like she would definitely fold over at the waist from the weight of her head and boobs.  So, while I’m making ridiculous suggestions, maybe people could start reminding men and women that women who look human can be attractive too? 

*This may be an ignorant representation of the lives of sex workers.   I know very little about that industry, and I would love to find a documentary about sex work and sex workers in Canada or the States if anyone knows of one.


12 responses to “Women Who CAN’T Say No

  1. Chris says:

    This ad has nothing to do with prostitution. The company running the ad is looking for the small minority of guy’s who can’t resist a good looking girl, and they’re hoping that they’ll investigate who she is, click on the add, and then get directed to a “sign up for a fuck buddy” website.

    This girl isn’t shopped, she’s just lucky – Denise Milani, have a look, she’s a model with outrageous curves (natural apparently). The fact is, they’re probably making money off the clicks, so in a way, it kind of makes sense, however reprehensible it may be.

    Also, as a guy, I’d like to say that I find it moronic that you’re posting this on a feminist blog (wtf is “femmanism” by the way). This model KNOWS she’s hot, and is purposefully selling her good looks and photos for money. If anything, she’s the one abusing her looks and leading poor desperate guys with no sexual experience into potentially financially and morally degrading sites.

    The funny thing is that this girl probably say’s “no” all the time. Which means she’s definitely not a sex worker.

    If you want to know more about sex workers, try and get into the mind of a girl who has no assets (financially), passable assets (sexually), and no belief in herself. These are the kind of people who sell themselves for profit – because they don’t think they can make a good amount of money in any other way.

    My personal view is – I’m happy to see hot girls spammed around the internet. I’ll never click on one of these ads (which probably lead you onto a dodgy / virus-ridden site), but a bit of eye candy never did any harm.

    The fool is the one who takes them seriously.

    • Emma says:

      Hi Chris. Thanks for your comment. I really appreciate the feedback. I think it’s interesting to say that this has nothing to do with prostitution, but that she is ‘selling her good looks and photos for money.’ Selling your body… isn’t that kind of the definition of prostitution?
      Also, thanks for the model’s name. It does look like she just has a very ‘curvy’ body. I wouldn’t go so far as to say she is not photoshopped (because I would be very surprised to ever see a model that is not), but maybe her body looks closer to that image than I thought.
      I still think it’s important to recognize that women who are extremely sexualized online like this woman tend not to look like average women. What does that say about average women? That they are not sexual? And what does that say about women who are extremely curvy? That they are always over-sexual? (I have heard many stories about women getting breast implants because they wanted to feel sexy, and women getting breast reductions because they didn’t want to be sexually harassed anymore.)
      Thanks for pointing out that I never clarified what ‘femmanism’ is. I meant to change the ‘about’ section when I changed the name, but I never got around to it. My name is Emma, and this is all about my expression of feminism, so it’s just a play on words (Emma in the word feminism).
      I’m glad you’re glad to see women exploited all over the internet, and I think you’re kind of making my point for me – most media, especially the internet, which a huge number of people access, is set up for a male, heterosexual consumer. So, as a woman myself, my dislike for seeing these things is not important, because you, a (presumably heterosexual) man enjoy seeing them.
      And personally, I think it’s extremely important to analyze the media we are surrounded by because it both comments on our cultural values and reinforces them.

  2. mike walker says:

    Hey Emma,

    You are right. As a heterosexual male the internet is set up and controlled by mostly male designers, etc.. I think the last comment proved the point that patriarchy and capitalism go hand in hand on the internet. and the main idea is to create false and commodified perceptions of females, especially white females. This system just reinforces oppression and dominant power roles. And stresses the need for more social critique in our educational and social circles, to deepen a broader analysis of systemic and internalized oppression.

    Basically, white men don’t want to acknowledge their privilege on many fronts, gender is one.

  3. Andy says:

    Emma, you’re a twisted little cunt. See a head doctor before you launch affirmations as those above. If you’re a dike it’s understandable though

    • Emma says:

      I actually identify as straight. I appreciate you comparing me to such an amazing, strong, pleasurable and miraculously life-giving thing as a cunt, but I also understand that you meant it as an insult. I think it’s extremely important to look at other people’s points of view on issues like this – I’m not arrogant enough to think that my interpretation is the only one – but I also would just ask that you be respectful. I think that’s pretty reasonable. If you would like to try again, this time actually making a point that I could consider I would be more than happy to hear from you. But if you’re just here to try to insult me, please don’t waste your time and mine.

  4. Jessica says:

    I just stumbled across this post via Tumblr, and I really liked it 🙂

    I wanted to address your concern about sex workers and their ability to say no (not “address” as in “resolve”, but just say a little about it). From what I’ve heard, in Australia, they are allowed to reject clients (and I’ve had the guy I’m seeing – who *used* to frequent brothels – defend brothels to me on that basis); it’s not allowed that they be forced to have sex with anyone they find objectionable – at least EXPLICITLY. Because in reality, of course, if they turn down too many clients they’re not going to keep their jobs for very long (or get paid), so the fact that they have this legal protection really means very little. The entire point of purchasing someone’s body is that it means they won’t say no.

    So that was a contradictory paragraph I guess… my point was mostly, under Australian law (or Victorian? this might be state law), sex workers retain the legal right to say no, but I think economic pressures counter this, so the legal right ends up meaning very little. Anyway, this might not be so applicable to other jurisdictions either (particularly those in which prostitution is illegal, and therefore unregulated).

    • Emma says:

      Thanks for sharing that! I’m so glad you liked my post (I’ve been putting off reading this comment because I was worried that it would be less than supportive). I really appreciate your input! 🙂

  5. Jess says:

    In NZ sex workers fall into two categories, the ones who work in the brothel and the ones who work on the side of the road. The brothel ones can refuse to see a client, however the majority of workers in NZ brothels are so *high* they have no idea who they are having sex with. The ones one the side of the road barely even see the man prior to getting in the customers car and at that point they are definitely committed.

    I hate that bloody Blue Dress ad. The point I take away from it is that the woman has no choice. While that might be something fun to roleplay with your partner, if it’s with someone who actually doesn’t want it – its rape.

    It’s not foolish to take these ads seriously, these ads are shaping our younger generations minds.

    Also I hope you have blocked Andy.

    • Emma says:

      Thanks for the support. It’s definitely a different story when it’s consensual roleplay but it gets a little tricky when ads assume that men are attracted to ‘women who can’t say no’ and use that to market their ‘product.’

  6. Benja says:

    Hi. She’s photoshoped, I know you know it but maybe you lack an evidence. You’ll find it there (post with animated gif “before-after”) : http://eschergirls.tumblr.com/post/16193666201/roundaboutparker-replied-to-your-post-re

What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: